When I was debating you
and debating moving states
and cutting my hair
but I stayed stagnant
for the hollow feeling
of thinking I was wanted
I should’ve left
I should’ve been spontaneous
and I should’ve taken it as a hint
all the songs I cherished
about running away
maybe I should’ve, too.
It’s not new that I should’ve left sooner
but if I listened to the hurt inside me
just for a moment
I could’ve avoided the whole thing.
I could be better.
I get so stuck on the what-ifs
and the ways I could’ve been better
I forget that I did my best with what was handed to me
if I’d done everything perfectly
if I hadn’t stayed
if I hadn’t debated college
if I knew the outcome
and the way to get there without getting hurt at all
I wouldn’t be better off
I’d be bored