Black coffee is not Bad
but it feels like a punishment.
I will continue to put milk in my coffee
on days that I feel I deserve it.
When I need to be Bitter
I will have it black.
Today I deserve
beige
I want to smile when it rains
I want to answer when you call.
I don’t want to live in fear,
it’ll be the death of me
but where do we go from here?
I’m trying,
but I’m tired of trying
and getting no results.
I want to be brave
like I was when I was ten.
I want to feel the wind against my skin
and not cower away.
I want to feel
again
I’m done with this complacency,
this everlasting loneliness.
it’s like they turned the lights out
and I can’t find the switch.
I want to be brave
for myself
so I can say I beat the demons in my head
I don’t want to be brave
for anyone else
because if I’m doing this for you
and you leave
what’s left to fight for?
I want to be strong
for myself
so I can look back
and smile when it rains.
You were a near miss
we got so close to touching
but never quite cared enough
and we tell ourselves
we wouldn’t have worked anyway
but for a minute there
I thought we would collide
We could’ve been
as bright
and as beautiful
as a meteor shower
but our orbits never crossed
I’m not lonely,
I just miss you
like I miss a hurricane.
You leave me a wreck
and I heard them talking
of fallen trees and branches
I can’t help but think
I lost some, too.
I didn’t think I
could miss a disaster
but love and hate
often get mistaken.
There is a roaring ocean inside me.
It does let up from time to time,
but there are days I am left
shipwrecked and stranded.
It’s hard to see how it’ll all be okay
when I’m marooned on an island
in the ocean inside my chest,
but on I press
because what other option is there?