I’ll Wish I Slept

You couldn’t give me the time of day,

but I wear a watch anyway.

You weren’t there when I needed you,

but truth be told I never needed you.

I needed you in the way I need coffee before bed.

You could be fun for a night,

but I’ll wish I slept instead.


Note: I found this poem I had written a while ago in an old notebook.

The Wind Blows Different These Days

It doesn’t hurt anymore;

I loved you once and I love you still,

but the wind blows different these days.

I worry some days, though,

I’ll never love like I once did,

but I do still love,

it’s just different now.

I love the ocean,

I love big open fields,

I love snowfall when all my plans involve staying in.

But will I ever love another person

as purely as I once loved you?

And do I want to?

/Bonus Haiku\

It stopped hurting and

I felt something in me change.

I can breathe again.


Bitter Winds | Poem

I do miss it sometimes.

I miss the closeness,

I miss the warm feeling-

I’ve been so cold lately.

I fear, as I always do

that I won’t feel it again.

I’m destined for a life

of freezing, bitter winds.

But I’m tired of killing myself

over people who aren’t

worth a scratch or a scrape.

So, I’ll risk the bitter winds,

because I won’t freeze over

and someday I’ll find

someone worth dying for.


Oceanic Heartbreak

It felt like drowning,

yet no one could pull me out of the water.

It felt like a pressure on my chest,

but I was alone in this room.

Once it felt like a burning in my heart,

the kind that made me smile for days on end.

Then it felt like drowning again,

mixed with fire and all I could see was you.

It felt like years,

before I could smile like I once did,

but then I did again,

and it felt like floating.


I miss the feeling

I miss the feeling,

that feeling of being at home

with you.

The only problem is

there is no

you.

There is only

me

and what good does it do

when it’s late

and I’m freezing over?

My sheets don’t suffice

when all my dreams

are of your cold, bitter winds.


The Grand Canyon (Part 2)

Our friend came out to us last night,

in an emotional speech surrounded by loved ones.

We were still on the road,

now in Nebraska.

She FaceTimed us and told us she was trans.

She had her friends over,

the moment felt right.

I wished I could’ve hugged her.

You and I talked about gender and sexuality for a while

well after the call ended.

I learned you once contemplated not being cis.

I did too, back in high school.

I told you I loved that we were still learning about each other.

You smiled and agreed.

We were on the road,

on a street we’d never seen,

in a car you only bought a month ago,

but I couldn’t have felt more at home.

A letter to my past self.

There’s so many mistakes you’re going to make,

so many things you wish you said

and so many things you could’ve done better,

but you’ll get through it just fine.

To me from a year ago:

Good things are close,

do whatever you can to keep yourself busy,

and you don’t need an excuse to do what you want.

If you want to spend all day watching YouTube,

who’s stopping you?

Don’t move in with your boyfriend three weeks after he betrayed your trust.

Just because he’s going through a tough time doesn’t mean he should be your responsibility.

To me from two years ago:

You don’t need a boyfriend, 

you need a friend.

Reach out to people you’ve lost contact with.

Don’t date that boy just because he’s nice to you.

You’ll hate your summer job,

but it’s good money for the time.

And for fucks sake, don’t listen to that boy you’re going to date-

you don’t need to buy weed, he does.

To me from three years ago:

Let it go.

That annoying person shouldn’t ruin your day.

Yeah, he sucks but he’ll make for a good story.

I’m proud of you for getting through your first big break up.

It was months ago, 

but I know you’re still dealing with it.

You’ll be over him soon.

He still texts you every couple months, though.

To the future me:

I hope things are still going good.

I’ve been trying to set you up for success.

I’ve fallen into a routine of positive coping skills,

and I hope you stick to them.