Snowy February Night

The cold, crisp February air turns my face red,

something you’ve always been good at, too.

We’re standing outside as the snow falls around us.

It’s not the first snowfall of the year,

but it’s the first in a while.

A flake falls onto your nose and we laugh.

I’m filled with a joy only you can bring me.

We’re bundled up in coats, hats, gloves, and scarves,

you bury your face in your scarf, a twinkle in your eyes.

It’s 9 pm in an empty parking lot,

the moon, full and bright, illuminates the vacant lot.

I see just your silhouette, 

but it’s enough for me.

A car drives by, the low hum of their engine breaks the silence,

their headlights brighten up your face for a moment.

I’d never seen someone so beautiful.

As we stood out in the cold,

waiting for our friend to pick us up,

I tell you I’m freezing and you take your hand out for me to hold.

I smile, and you take your glove off. I do the same.

Your hand is hot on mine, and a warmth fills me deep inside.

I never believed in love before I met you.

I never believed in anything before you.

Our friend drives up to us and we climb into the backseat.

He apologizes for taking so long, he had to get gas.

I don’t mind.

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I Will Recover (Poem)

I’m done fucking lying to myself,

Keeping things in just because it hurts.

When I’m in pain, 

I’ll talk about it.

I’ll work through it.

I’ll get over it.

And I’ll be stronger for it.

I’m sick of being a bystander in my own life,

Watching as things just happen.

As I make a friend,

Lose a friend,

Drop out of school,

Start again just for the hell of it.

From now on I do things because I fucking want to

not because it’s what everyone else is doing,

But because it’s my god damn life

And I can make my own decisions.

If I don’t want to go back to school,

If I want to work part time while writing on the side

I fucking will.

If I want to go get a coffee,

And that new book I heard about,

I will.

Even though the mall is a half hour away,

And there might be traffic

Or a lot of people.

No more excuses for easy things. 

I’ll call for that doctors appointment,

I’ll go get my oil changed on my own.

Hell, I’ll go for a drive just to clear my head

Just because I wanted to listen to that one song as loud as I can handle.

And scream the lyrics along with the band.

And I’ll be a stronger person for it.

I’ve been through hell already,

Who’s to say I can’t get through more?

Depression VS The Fighter in Me

I’ve never been good at love,

I’ve never been good at anything.

I’ve never wanted to be better,

Until I met you.

I had no reason to stop my self-destructive behavior.

You made me realize I’m worth more.

You made me want to love myself.

You make me want to be better.

Everyone left and I didn’t understand why,

I was suicidal and I didn’t understand why,

I was anxious and I didn’t understand why.

I knew it would get better,

But I didn’t understand why I needed the pain to begin with.

I was so naive 

to think the pain didn’t make the pleasure better.

I was so naive

To think I couldn’t beat depression.

I was so naive

To think I couldn’t find coping skills.

Part of me knew I’d get better,

The fighter in me.

Part of me thought I’d never get better,

The depression in me.

The fighter is stronger,

But the fight isn’t over.

It probably won’t ever be,

But now I’m stronger,

I have better weapons.

I can get through anything you put me through.