the world won’t matter

I have fallen in love before

and it’ll likely happen again

I just hope the next time

it’ll be with your wit

or your smile

or your hair.

If I fall in love again

I want it to matter

more than it did

when I fell for someone

who didn’t love me back.

I want you to love me

I want to matter to you

I want to hear you say my name

lovingly

as we watch our favorite show.

Because the world won’t matter

until you say my name.

the sticky summer air

The sticky summer air

wants to know how I’ve been

since we last talked.

I’ve had my ups and downs

but I’m here now.

I didn’t find God

but I did find a purpose

hidden somewhere between the stationary aisle of CVS

and New England in September.

Sometimes winter feels like going

through hell and back just to

feel summer warmth again

but it’s worth it

or at least there’s some gratitude

as I’m sitting under

a cherry blossom

and I feel myself blossom,

too.

I swear it works | poem

some days all I can do

is sit by an open window

and hear the rain pour

and imagine it’s rinsing out

any sad thoughts inside me

cleansing me.

and sometimes

I swear it works

easy going

Some days are hard

but I’ve accepted that.

Some are easy,

and those keep me afloat.

table

And I was so focused on the table

Brown with a crack down the middle

I couldn’t imagine ever taking my eyes off it

Especially not to look at your face

I could picture it just fine in my head

Even after the tears welled

And I couldn’t see anything anymore

I knew you were looking right at me

Sometimes

Sometimes it hurts

Sometimes I’m in love

Sometimes I feel nothing at all

Someday I’ll let the ocean take me

Coffee at 23

I sip my coffee

I don’t chug

I like the bitter taste

it gets better with age

and someday I’ll take it black

that’s when you’ll know

I’ve gone bitter like the rest.

void

There will always be a void

deep inside my chest

there’s one for you

and all the others who’ve left

and I want to believe

that someday these voids will be filled

but it’s true what they say

that everyone leaves

and sometimes they come back

but sometimes when they do

they don’t do it because they missed you

or your jokes or your stories

they missed the attention you gave them.

fresh

I will write your name over and over

until it does not hurt anymore

and if that takes a thousand pages

at least it will be over.

and I will forgive you someday

but first I have to forgive myself

and sure, I’ve learned to love myself

but it’s still fresh

it started when I left

falling

I dream of falling out of love with you

but I haven’t stopped

falling for you

to start

ending this.

and if I ever

find someone better for me

know that I’m lying