I have fallen in love before
and it’ll likely happen again
I just hope the next time
it’ll be with your wit
or your smile
or your hair.
If I fall in love again
I want it to matter
more than it did
when I fell for someone
who didn’t love me back.
I want you to love me
I want to matter to you
I want to hear you say my name
lovingly
as we watch our favorite show.
Because the world won’t matter
until you say my name.
The sticky summer air
wants to know how I’ve been
since we last talked.
I’ve had my ups and downs
but I’m here now.
I didn’t find God
but I did find a purpose
hidden somewhere between the stationary aisle of CVS
and New England in September.
Sometimes winter feels like going
through hell and back just to
feel summer warmth again
but it’s worth it
or at least there’s some gratitude
as I’m sitting under
a cherry blossom
and I feel myself blossom,
too.
And I was so focused on the table
Brown with a crack down the middle
I couldn’t imagine ever taking my eyes off it
Especially not to look at your face
I could picture it just fine in my head
Even after the tears welled
And I couldn’t see anything anymore
I knew you were looking right at me
There will always be a void
deep inside my chest
there’s one for you
and all the others who’ve left
and I want to believe
that someday these voids will be filled
but it’s true what they say
that everyone leaves
and sometimes they come back
but sometimes when they do
they don’t do it because they missed you
or your jokes or your stories
they missed the attention you gave them.
I will write your name over and over
until it does not hurt anymore
and if that takes a thousand pages
at least it will be over.
and I will forgive you someday
but first I have to forgive myself
and sure, I’ve learned to love myself
but it’s still fresh
it started when I left
