When it Rains

When the days have been

nothing but clouds and storms

and you’ve almost given up,

you wake up one day

and you realize it’s gotten

easier

to smile

when it rains.

Tea and Nostalgia

Tea in the afternoon,

hard at work on this or that

and the sun shines through the window, cracked.

Tea on the windowsill,

a gentle breeze cools the drink.

It’s not as cold as it’s been lately

and the smell of fresh air

brings a sense of nostalgia

for when I had no troubles,

spending all my time running around outside.

I have this obsession with nostalgia

and I think it’s because I’m so eternally exhausted

and I miss the feeling

of optimism and pure delight

I only truly had as a child.

I’m only 22

but I’ve been through enough

to deserve this cup of tea

and a moment of clarity.

Thursday Sunsets

The sun set

on a Thursday,

not a cloud in the sky,

just a hand in mind

and smiles on our faces.

Any burnout or exhaustion

fades away with the sunlight.

We’re left illuminated by the moon

and the stars in the sky.

Did you know that the moon

only shimmers up there for you?


Nostalgia

I haven’t felt a single thing

and I worry I never will again.

What happened?

I used to be so lively,

nowadays I’d rather sit at home

than be with loved ones.

What happened?

It’s like a part of me died when you left.

I knew it would happen;

I knew from the start

and I did nothing to stop it.

What happened?

What happened to the person I once was?

I have a fondness for things from before,

things like games and music and pop culture

because it’s the only thing

that brings me closer

to who I was

before.


Small Talk

The grass turned green

and the snow melted;

hope came back.

Echoes of strangers saying

“So nice out today,”

followed by another stranger’s

“enjoy it if you can.”

I smile and agree,

I always hated small talk, though.

“Medium iced mocha”

I tell the barista.

“Iced, good choice.”

“So nice out today.”

I pay and take my coffee

to a table in the corner.

If I take my notebook out,

they won’t talk to me.

But is that what I want?

That’s what my anxiety tells me,

but I don’t mind a little small talk

if it leads to a real conversation.

But it always starts with the same

“So nice out today, huh?”


Just Love, Nothing Serious

it was summer,

you were warm.

I never wanted perfect,

you knew that.

someday, you’ll know

how all these poems, they’re all for you,

and you’ll apologize.

and I’ll say it’s nothing,

it’s just a poem.

I’m just in love with you,

I don’t have feelings for you.


I’ll Wish I Slept

You couldn’t give me the time of day,

but I wear a watch anyway.

You weren’t there when I needed you,

but truth be told I never needed you.

I needed you in the way I need coffee before bed.

You could be fun for a night,

but I’ll wish I slept instead.


Note: I found this poem I had written a while ago in an old notebook.

The Wind Blows Different These Days

It doesn’t hurt anymore;

I loved you once and I love you still,

but the wind blows different these days.

I worry some days, though,

I’ll never love like I once did,

but I do still love,

it’s just different now.

I love the ocean,

I love big open fields,

I love snowfall when all my plans involve staying in.

But will I ever love another person

as purely as I once loved you?

And do I want to?

/Bonus Haiku\

It stopped hurting and

I felt something in me change.

I can breathe again.


Early December Mornings

Fresh frost coats the ground,

people dressed in coats and scarves

shiver and speed-walk to their cars.

Take one step outside,

any grogginess felt before disappears

behind the crisp December air.

Some heat up their car and go back inside,

some didn’t plan that far ahead

and instead shiver on their way to work,

and by the time they get to work

they refuse to leave the furnace they’ve created.

Two workers greet each other with a friendly,

“It’s too cold,”

while the other retorts,

“It’s too early!”

They both take sips of their hot drink,

sigh, and walk into their workplace.

The retail ship is decorated for Christmas,

but no workers have any Christmas cheer left.


Hibernating

The winter snow told me to relax,

things will work out,

just give it time.

And if it’s not okay,

have a cup of tea

and a warm blanket.

Spring will be here

and you’ll be good again.

Winters are for hibernating,

growing and healing.

But then why,

I ask myself,

do I always break down

when winter comes around?