Sometimes it hurts
Sometimes I’m in love
Sometimes I feel nothing at all
Someday I’ll let the ocean take me
There will always be a void
deep inside my chest
there’s one for you
and all the others who’ve left
and I want to believe
that someday these voids will be filled
but it’s true what they say
that everyone leaves
and sometimes they come back
but sometimes when they do
they don’t do it because they missed you
or your jokes or your stories
they missed the attention you gave them.
I will write your name over and over
until it does not hurt anymore
and if that takes a thousand pages
at least it will be over.
and I will forgive you someday
but first I have to forgive myself
and sure, I’ve learned to love myself
but it’s still fresh
it started when I left
It rained on the day we went up to the mountains. It rained and we stayed in our car for the most part, eating takeout from a nearby restaurant. We planned to eat it by the waterfall, but our sandwiches would’ve been soggy. We sat parked on a cliff-side, overlooking the mountains, the greens and reds and oranges and yellows of the treetops swaying gently with the breeze. We sat silent for a while as we took in the overwhelming feeling, the largeness of it all. We ate our takeout, but we didn’t feel worthy to be there in all the beauty. This moment was bigger than us. And I remember you said quietly and defiantly, “Someday, this will be home.”
It was warm
I felt whole
you smiled at me
and I knew
I’d be alright.
We’d get through winter
and all its cold nights
and we already got through February
and for some reason
it’s warm today
and we’re sitting outside
drinking pink lemonade
like it’s summer already
and you look at me
and you smile
and I smile, too
and we know
we’re exactly where we should be.