the man who talked like everyone was listening

I met a man once who talked like everyone was listening. He had straight brown hair and big brown eyes. And when he spoke, people listened. And I listened, too, but I didn’t want to. He looked at me one day like he was seeing me for the first time.

From then on, he talked to me like I was always listening. And I still didn’t want to, but how could you not? And I was young, only just eighteen. He was twenty and didn’t once think about his future. He would talk to me and I would listen.

He told me about how he got his license taken away and I ignored the red flag. He lived ten minutes away and I would pick him up in my old, beat-up Saturn. And one night specifically I remember we were out late after work, somewhere between 11 pm and 1 am. And we were at the convenience store down the street from his house and I still didn’t realize he was trouble when he went out of his way to go into a full-blown politics talk with a stranger who stood outside the convenience store the whole time we were there.

I remember overhearing the stranger say to him, “Who’s piece of shit ride is this?” and he said it was his friend’s car. I laughed at the time, but I remember thinking I wish we were more than that. And I can’t believe I ever wanted that.

This twenty-year-old actor who only wanted one thing and he got that from me, and he cared for a week or so, but then ghosted. And this eighteen-year-old unsure of their place in the world let him take whatever he wanted because it was summer and that’s what you do when you’re eighteen in the summer.

And at the time I remember I didn’t think he was taking advantage of me because I wanted it, too. But really, I just wanted to feel like I mattered.



  1. Woodsy says:

    That sense… sometimes bottomless… of wanting to feel like you matter…
    Life, and people, can turn it around and twist it in so many ways. But the deeper you dive and swim in your own words, their colours and their nuances… the more you’ll discover your own mattering…
    sometimes in the most darkly unexpected places –
    and when it meets other people, this mattering you’ve found will soark against them like some playful electric thing…
    and you’ll surprise yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carol Anne says:

    I know that feeling, of wanting to matter, I’m sorry he took advantage of you lauren!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lauren says:

      I’m glad you could relate! And it’s okay, it was years ago.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Navin says:

    I never get why people take advantage of others. Sorry to read what he did to you…even though it was several years back…but it’s sitting in you….thanks for the great but painful sharing.
    One thing I would like to add is that if you matter to you, then you’ll always matter to others….even though I get it you were only 18 at that time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lauren says:

      That’s a really sweet sentiment, thank you for saying that!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. World is full of people who pretend to listen.. the real ones feel real though – go

    Liked by 1 person

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