I want to matter.
Not to you,
To myself.
I care what you think,
But I don’t want to.
I wish I cared less
What you think of me
And more what I think of me.
Because I’m the one who will be here
when life gets hard again
No one else is guaranteed.
So why do I care so much?
You shouldn’t matter to me.
It makes sense for me to care about me,
But why won’t I?
What is so fucked up in my head
That I focus so much of my energy on what other’s see?
I can’t even tell anyway.
I don’t know what you think of me,
And I’m done trying to decipher it.
I want to love myself.
I want to eat healthy because it fuels me,
I want to go on daily walks in the morning,
To the pond and watch the sunrise
Because it’s what my body desires.
I want to stop sitting around,
Playing games for hours on end,
To distract myself from my aching loneliness,
when I could go for a run and feel better faster.
I want to matter.
I want to care about myself.
